I've been doing some thinking for the last week or so. My problems have escalated too much. I've been beaten and harassed in this offensive town for the last time. But I don't know how to get out. So I thought for a while. Looked for ways out. There aren't many, and they're all nigh impossible.
I thought of coming out to my parents, asking for help on their part. No... that wouldn't work. I don't know if they're just as bigoted, as hateful. What if they kick me out? What if they make me leave home and never return? I can get somewhat far, find work, maybe even rent an apartment, but then again they may keep me in the house. Beat me. Torture me. Burn me and tie me down while they "pray the gay away". I know cases where something like that's happened. But it's not likely, is it?
Another idea I thought of is finding... I don't know, a way to spread my pain out on the internet. And it has worked to an extent. But it hasn't staunched the blood, or stitched the gashes, or helped me feel any less hopeless about it. It just clarifies why my life is horrible.
I can't go to family. I can't go to friends. Do I have friends? No. Not anymore. I could see a psychologist but that would require telling my parents. Or lying to them. I can barely walk down the street without getting mugged and they've started using lethal weapons.
...there is one way. I don't want to do it, but the problem's never going to go away. I've tried looking on the bright side, getting help, asking for opinions and comments and just support, but it never came.
I made my decision. Tomorrow I'm going to the center park with a knife. I'm going to cut my wrist open and throw myself into the pond. They might think I go missing if they don't find me before I sink.
It's just... it's the only way out. It hurts... it scares the ever-loving fuck out of me to say it, but it is the only way out.
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